Heavy Thrusters Hurt My Soul

If there’s one movement that I dread its a thruster….. now make it 115lbs and I’m trying to figure out what emergency I just have to take care of.

That was the scenario today.  1 rep max…. check…… accessories….. check…..WOD……WHAT?!?!?!Annie-Thrusters

12min AMRAP
7 thrusters 115lbs
14kb swings 36lbs

My first thought was ‘clearly thats a typo’ but upon seeing the mens weight was 155 I knew that wasn’t the case. I then went down the path of ‘I should go lighter and just move’ to try and get out of it.  I ended up realizing I needed to just suck it up and do the damn heavy thrusters.

12min later my soul hurt.  Why?  Because at 115lbs I really wanted to keep moving and hang on to the bar, but damn, that was way easier said than done.  The good news is that I survived and the hope is the next time I have to complete 115lbs thrusters they won’t be as painful.

My circle of control

It’s so easy to focus on the things that happen to you vs what you can do about it.  I have had a stressful 3 years battling some serious injuries.  I had a GREAT few months being pain free.  I was hitting PR’s left and right and my WOD times were dropping.

Then…….BAM!!!!You-cant-always-control

Every step felt like I was walking on a broken bone.  WTF?  How is it possible?  How could my knee that’s been feeling awesome feel so terribly ….. again…..  A few days of laying off it, and focus on stretching feeling like a total loser I was confronted by two very honest people in my life.

The got a few beers into me and began talking about my knee.  How I felt about it.  what I wanted to do about it.   What was holding me back etc.

2 more beers later I was ready to focus on the things within my control.  I could go back to the things that were well within my control ;

  • Mobilizing
  • PT excersices
  • Sled work

All the things that helped me get back in the first place.  Clean up my diet and see if cutting a few lbs will take some pressure off the joints.  Slow back down to speed back up.  It’s easy to get into a slump of whoa is me, and pity party.  I can control pity though.  By doing everything I can to rehab my knee.  Exhaust all my options before deciding to give up.

I own a cloud

Cloud computing concept with copy space

While I never really understood what the whole ‘cloud’ thing is there is one thing I do understand……. if I let my documents live on a cloud my documents can never truly be stolen.

A little over a year ago my computer was stolen from my jeep in my driveway in a ‘safe’ neighborhood.  My world crashed.  I had 3 years of work on my business on that computer and it was ALL gone.  In one 6 hour window my whole business was taken from me.

After the panic I had to come to grips with starting over.  I took it as a chance to rebrand what I’d been doing.  A chance to really look at what I was doing, and where I wanted to go. No past, no ‘this is how we’ve always done it’ because I had nothing.

Looking back it was a great lesson and taught me that my business is so much more than a few documents on a computer.  I also learned that I need to protect myself.  So I no longer have any documents on my computer.  The all live on a personal cloud that I have a in safe location.  Now if I lose my computer, my iPad, my phone I just lose the shell.  The documents are safe!

 

Biting my nails

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I wish I could put on my game face and say I don’t care, but I would be lying.  I am straight nervous about doing my first raw powerlifting meet this Saturday.  Why?  Because it’s a new experience.

I am not worried about winning.  I am not worried about hitting PR lifts.  I am not even worried about what I’m going to wear.

It’s just like my first CrossFit competition.  I don’t know what to expect.  Ok I know I’m going to Back Squat, Deadlift and Bench Press.  But I have to figure out openers, jumps, warming up, eating, resting, breathing, drinking and of course RELAXING.  After you do one they’re down hill from there, but the first one is always a doozie.

And of course with everyone telling me how great I”m going to do I can feel that pressure of being an athlete again.  Carrying the pressure of living up to peoples expectations.  It’s a positive pressure of well wishes and belief but a pressure none the less.  I’m sure once I do a successful lift in each movement it’ll be smooth sailing.  The LAST thing I want to do is start too heavy and miss because of nerves.

I keep telling myself it’s just for fun, but anyone that knows me knows I go all in.  I want to PR every lift and set records and be a monster. lol  That leads to nail biting and working on my mental game.  I need to slay the doubt and the fear.  Be confident and know I’m strong enough to move some weight.  I can only control my lifts and the standings will be what they will be as long as I do what I’m supposed to.  EEEEKKKK!!!! Is it saturday yet?

My $80 dixie cup

yes…. this is intact an $80.00 dixie cup.  why?  how?

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As i was driving to SUP this afternoon I was wandering around streets trying to find the entrance to the park when I saw 4 girls on a corner with what looked like a lemonade stand. A small pop a table, a cooler and a basket.

Now… being a female business owner, and wanting to inspire young women to do the same I HAD to turn around and go back.  As I pulled over one of the girls stood up with this ‘finally we have a customer’ kind of look.  She motioned to the other girls to ‘get ready’

As I walked to towards the stand the smallest of the group, who looked about 5, popped up with a sign and said ‘you look thirsty and we’re selling lemonade’  I responded with, ‘thats a good think because I sure am thirsty’.

I asked how long they had been out there, and they said they had been trying of the last two hours to get people to stop without much luck.  They went on to tell me that they were all neighbors and trying to raise money to get a slip and slide or some kind of fun summer toy they could all use.  I asked them if they had all worked equally on the stand and the most beautiful thing happened……. they began building EACH OTHER up

‘well Megan made the sign’

‘Well you made the lemonade’

‘I know, but Katie packaged the cookies’

NOT ONE OF THEM told me what they had done.  They just couldn’t stop talking about all the things their friends had done.  I was so impressed with this selflessness and the sharing of credit I had ONE CHOICE!!!! reward this trait.  So I reached into my wallet and said ‘it sounds like you’ve all worked equally hard on this, so you should all make the same amount on it’  And as I handed each of them a $20.00 you would have thought they won the lotto.

They could hardly believe this stranger stopped, talked with them about their goal and paid so much for a dixie cup of lemonade.  They kept trying to give me cookies or more to drink.  I said ‘no thanks, just keep working hard and chase the craziest dream you have.  Who know’s maybe you’ll own your own business someday like me’.

Working hard for others

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So 2 weeks ago a few of us committed to work our asses off for one full year to see if we can get Coca’s name on the regional floor.  Simply put, we’re going to try and get a team to regionals.

Why?  Because honestly, we all love working out and if we’re going to work out for 2-3 hours per day we might as well apply it.

months go I started working out with Kasey and Theresa at 9 am and we would workout, laugh, and all of sudden it was noon.  Fast forward to today and we’ve added a few more people that want to put in the hours of work necessary to follow the program.  The beautiful part of the program is that ANYONE can follow it, well anyone with 2-3hours a day to commit to it.

I personally have found that I work a shit ton harder knowing I’ve got other people relying on me to get better for them.  I also eat wiser, drink more water and avoid alcohol more often.  I enjoyed training on my own and felt I worked hard, but DAMN was I lazy.  There are days I can barely get out of bed yet alone imagine lifting and woding, and yet I do it.  It reminds me why this whole CrossFit thing works.  It’s about more than the individual, it’s about the community.

 

I QUIT CrossFit…..

Ok….. only for 2 hours…. but I totally did quit.i-quit-post

Today was just one of those days training that left me feeling completely defeated and like I shouldn’t even bother training.  I was 30lbs under my PR Back Squat aaaaaaand there were 10ft wall balls in the sod (which are my nemesis) aaaaaaand to top it all of we had pistols and my ‘good knee’ started feeling like it was going to EXPLODE!!!!

So I was frustrated and now a little nervous.  Why the hell is my good knee feeling so tight?  It feels like every time my body starts to feel good again and I think ‘wow, maybe I really could train to compete again’ something breaks.  I now know training isn’t worth an injury, so I’ll back down, increase my mobility and baby my knee a little or of as long as it takes for this wonkyness to go away.

But at the moment I yelled time i also yelled ‘I quit CrossFit’  Why?  Because not every day is a good day.  And there are moments I want to throw in the towel because I”m no good so there’s no point.

Of course I remember I LOVE CROSSFIT and training and that today is just a slump of a day.  Tomorrow I”ll lace up my shoes and try again.  That’s all I can do.

Learning to HOLD ON

I made the mistake of looking ahead on the programming to see what the workout was.  All I could think was …..NO WAY is that going to happen.  What was it?

12 EMOTM
5 ground to over head (115lbs)
1 rope climb

After completing the lifting and accessory work it was time to WOD. I was trying to figure out every way I could to change the weight or the rep scheme because I am not strong enough to do it. All the more reason I knew I needed to do it. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it, but I knew I needed to at least try.

3…2….1…. GOOOOOO!!!

5 tap and go clean and jerks, 1 rope climb….. 31 seconds. I thought ‘wow maybe I can do this’ Then I hit my fourth minute. 3 reps in I dropped the bar, took a breath and finished two more. Onto the top….. 57 seconds.timthumb.php-2

WHATTTTT!!!!! I was only on the 4th minute. Why did I let go of the bar? Why did bail? Was it mental or physical or both? That’s when I decided to change the workout. why? Because I need to HOLD ON to the damn bar and do the work. So for the last 8 rounds I made myself do 5 CONSECUTIVE tap and go clean and jerks (or I started back at 1) and 1 rope climb worrying only about holding on to the bar.

I have to get myself over the I feel a little tired I should rest. NO…. finish the work then rest. I completed all sets until my 12th round. Coming down from the 4th jerk I lost my right hand….. noooooooo….. I had to go back to one. I finished in 16:12. So it took 4:12 long than it was supposed to, but I learned that when I back myself into a corner I can do it so I need to just do it from the beginning!

More than ‘Muprh’

This year I did ‘Murph’ in full gear and straight through.  Why?  Because I needed to prove to myself that I could.  To say that last three years have been difficult would be an understatement.  I have been tested mentally, emotionally, and physically.  And until this year I have never really thought I could recover from any of it.

Enter Shane and Laura Sweatt, owners of CrossFit Conjugate and trainers of the CrossFit Powerlifting Cert.  I hosted their coaches course at Coca CrossFit two years ago and fell in love with what they were saying.  Little did I know that a year after the certification I would commit to follow Shane’s programming to help rehab my knee.

One year later brought ‘Murph’…… and my knee had been feeling great.  I had been working on running more with no inflammation the next day.  So, I posted that I would be doing ‘Murph’ with gear and straight through to the world so that I would be held accountable to do what I said I would.

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The morning of I gave a speech about what ‘Murph’ really meant, about Doug who we were honoring that day and it was all so emotional I lost it in front of 60+ people getting ready for ‘go’.

I always cry talking in front of large groups when I talk about deeper meaning and purpose.  Nothing I’m ashamed of and it didn’t surprise me at all that it happened.  In fact I would have been surprised if I hadn’t.

3….2…..1……GO!  Off i went on my first mile run.  Checked it off my list…..

100 pullups…. check!

200 pushups……(2 at a time so each one was perfectly military)…… check!

300 air squats…….check!

and I was off for the second mile run.  My legs felt like there were 1,000lbs each but I knew I started it and I had to finish it.  The MOST AMAZING thing happened on my last 800m.  I turned around to see 30+ Coca members running with me.  I didn’t ask them to come.  They just wanted to help me finish (because yes I was the last one working)

Suddenly it didn’t hurt as bad.  Suddenly my pain went away.  Suddenly I knew I HAD to finish and do it without complaining or stopping.  I ran a little faster each step until I crossed the line, and it brought me to my knees.

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3 years after breaking my back….. 2 years after rupturing my achilles….. 1 year after a double micro-fracture in my knee…… I had finished “murph’ in 30lbs of gear, no knee sleeves and NO PAIN!!!!  It was a moment I had only dreamt about.  A moment that I needed.  I needed it so I could believe in myself again.  Believe I could train to compete. With the right coach leading me and the right people around me I might just be able to compete again.

There HAS to be purpose…..

One thing I’ve come to truly realize over the last few weeks is that you HAVE to have a purpose….

Something that fuels you…..

My purpose: to get others to believe in themselves

Short – simple and soooo true.  I literally cry 98% of the time I have an honest conversation with someone about why I do what I do.  I believe with my every cell that I was put on earth to get others to believe in themselves. Regardless of how I express that that is my mission.  My every cell drives every day to live up to that statement.  purpose

Why has this come up?  Because I’ve been glued to my TV screen the last two weekends watching the 2014 Reebok CrossFit Games Regional Qualifiers, and at almost everyone there are heart broken athletes.  Athletes that are at the top of their game.  Athletes that are the favorites going in.  Athletes that leave the arena without a metal and without the glory of the win.  It really got me thinking about  my experience….

Coming off of my CrossFit Games experience I was courted by many sponsors, some that I have maintained.  They picked me up because I was real, honest and authentic.  I knew I loved competing and at the time I was at the top of the game.  Fast forward 4 years and I’ve had 3 major injuries and I am far from the top of my game, and yet I still push myself.  Why?  What makes me strap on my boots everyday?

My purpose….. how can I tell someone else they can if I don’t believe I can.  How can I inspire someone to train through or around an injury if i don’t.  How can I tell someone it’s about getting better everyday, not winning, if all I cared about was winning?

I gave myself one year…. one year I wanted to train without sustaining another injury.  I’ve reached that and I can not wait to see what the next year brings.  The universe has brought some amazingly strong woman into my life and we lean on each other to get through wods, diets and life.