I had the best intentions to blog through my whole pregnancy, but I had not planned on being nearly as sick as I have been leaving little to no energy to sit down and write.
Now that I’m about 2 weeks into an anti-nausea med I am finding functioning as a normal human being much easier than before.
One of the biggest things I have found through the last 21 weeks is the sheer anxiety, stress and PTSD that come with a pregnancy after a loss. Every day that passed all I wanted to do is get to 22 weeks,and every day I get closer my anxiety gets a little worse.
Every kick, non-kick, sickness, non-sickness, tired, energized feeling I have is terrifying. It’s hard to not feel fear everyday that ‘what if today is the day? (as in something going wrong)”
We have gotten ultrasounds every two weeks, and we’re on a weekly progesterone shot and basically in a doctors office every week. While I am beyond stressed, being constantly reassured that everything is going smoothly with no concerns is reassuring.
It is annoying that I can’t just be happy like most women that make it through 21 weeks, but I also am learning a lot about myself and managing extreme moments of stress.
My new goal is to get to 26 weeks where baby spinner will be able to go into a NICU should he decide to come early.