Why do I make you mad?


This is often a question I ask myself when I hear all the things floating around being said about me……

This is often a question I ask myself when I hear another gym is marketing to my members…..

This is often  question I ask myself when I get an email from a fake address tearing me apart…..

Why is it that I make you soooooooo mad????

I can only go off what I know about myself and how I react.  Often when I get upset it is because I am jealous or envious of something someone has.  It’s only natural to have the knee jerk reaction of ‘why don’t I ……(fill in the blank)?

It’s really sad that we’re raised in culture of wanting what everyone else has vs loving what we have.  Instead of being genuinely happy for the successes of others we get envious and angry.  We belittle each other and lash out.

I single handedly am working to turn this around.  I acknowledge when I have a negative thought and spin it into a positive.  It took a little bit of time to get used to doing because at first I didn’t feel like I was being honest with myself.  After about a year of practice I can honestly say I am genuinely happy for others success.

It’s not even task I have to do anymore because it has become second nature.  My goal now is to pass that on to others.  Celebrating people for who they are and the goals they achieve.  Even when the same people you’re trying to build celebrate and build up are the ones trying to tear you down.


OK……….. so for 4 maybe even 5 months now I’ve been fighting swelling in my knee, my good knee.  I tired resting it, that didn’t help, so two weeks ago I got a cortisone shot.  That put me on a 2 week – nothing but light rowing and mobility time out.

While it was beyond difficult and frustrating to have to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else have fun, I tried to focus on the positive and doing what I could to improve, which was follow the rules.  Rest and recover.

Today was my third day of working on getting back after it.  While I was putting weights away I had the worst painful pop in my knee and I thought ‘shit, I’m done for’  It hurt so bad, like pain rumbled through my body kind of pain.  I gathered my bearings and took a step……..PAIN FREE……WHHHHHHAAATT?????

Bent it……PAIN FREE????

Looked for the fluid that had been sticking out of my knee every time I bent it……GONE!!!

I have NO CLUE what happened, and I’m actually quite weirded out by it, but all I know is the sweeling is gone and I’m pain free.  The clouds have parted and the angles are singing.  So to night I CELEBRATE!  After 5 months I am pain free for the first time.


You don’t have to be Michael Phelps but for good god put the suit on

I had to share a post based on this quote because it’s just soooooo damn funny and it’s pretty point on.

While reading ‘The Thank You Economy’ by Gary Vanerchuk today the quote ‘you don’t have to be Michael Phelps but for good got put the suit on’ and it was so honest and so true. (in referring to you’ll never learn to swim if you don’t put the suit on)

One thing we ALL do is talk about what we want or wish we had.  But when the rubber has to hit the road what do we do?  We tell our selves ‘we’re not that person’  ‘we’re not smart enough’ ‘we’re not good enough’  Those of us that are confident always doubt our skills, it’s only human.  (unless you’re an arrogant asshole and truly believe you’re better than people)

Why did I love this quote?  Because I truly believe you don’t have to be or have anything to BE SOMETHING GREAT!  You just have to be willing to work for it.  So my challenge to you is……. don’t worry about where you are……. what you need…… think about what you want and put the damn suit on!


I have accepted defeat

As many of you know I have been struggling to get my ass back on the competition floor for 3 years now.  First the broken back, then the ruptured Achilles and then the double microfacture in my knee. Not exactly the resume I ever thought I’d be building.

After a near scar last week of going to the ortho with the thought process of yet another surgery I thought I was done for.  Tests done…. cortisone shot given and I’m on a rest week and the PT says with a smart recovery plan I should be able to stay surgery free.  I’ll tell you what it was like the clouds parted and the angels sand…….NO SURGERY!!!

I quickly realized that I have NO CHOICE and I have accepted defeat.  I am not 100% healthy.  I am not young.  I am not just going to bounce back.  I have put myself on a no leg usage for 10 days to fully let the shot settle in and come up with a solid strategy.  Even if that’s training 4 days a week and mobilizing a recovering 3.

End of day I want longevity in my joints and I have accepted defeat of the ego that keeps saying ‘but you’re a games athlete you should be better’  If I don’t listen to what the universe is telling me (which is slow the fuck down) I’ll work myself right into another surgery.  And who knows.  With the right training and recovery plan I could come back stronger than ever.  Who knows.  What I do know is that I still have fight, I’ll always be an athlete, and I have to do the best with the body I’ve got…. not the body I wish I had.


I’ve finally discovered my greatest fear…..

Being vulnerable

There I said it.  I am scared SH*TLESS to let anyone know I’m anything but powerful, confident, strong and independent.

I have found in life that some of the greatest heart ache comes from letting people close.  Trusting them completely only to have them use my fears against me or even worse getting close to gain something, be it knowledge, a connection whatever and once they get it I’m left on the curb.

Yes – Am I strong, confident and independent – ABSOLUTELY!  But that’s most so because I have to be.  I have a great family and a support network of friends, but at night when I get ready for bed I am reminded that I’m the provider, the cook, the maid, the dog walker, the laundry mat, the rock, the everything.

It can be so inspiring to realize I’m doing it all on my own, but gets me think about how it could be easier if I didn’t have to fulfill ALL of the roles ALL of the time.  THE CATCH……..

I don’t open up to people easily.  I mean really let my guard down and admit I like someone in dating.  Or admit I need someone in a friend.  I’m Kate Rawlings….. I can do it all…….  I’m used to playing that role.  What I’m not used to is admitting I want someone in my life.  So what do I do…. I anticipate the worst and get surprised when it doesn’t happen.

Over the last year however I’ve been learning to forgive, have faith and look for the best in all situations.  For some reason I haven”t applied that to my personal life…..ie dating….  Needless to say I’m afraid of being vulnerable to a guy that could break me yet again.  But what if I could apply all the things I’ve learned about forgiveness and gratitude and apply it to my dating life………We’re all work in progress and I’m certainly no exception.  I just need to make a more conscious effort to acknowledge my fears and face them.


The elevator is out of order


As I met with my Dad today planning my 4 year party for Coca CrossFit I have a ‘light bulb’ moment.  How did I make it to 4 years?  How did I grow to a successful business woman and an owner of a non-profit?


I have been lucky enough to have build an amazing coaching staff and they are highly successful in their jobs outside of Coca.  They’ve cared so much about me and more importantly the entire Coca community to kick me in the ass.  Get more organized and get your shit done!

When coca first started it was just me, and I had to do it all.  I had to hustle to make things happen and get people in the door.  Fast forward 4 years and we have a solid community thats consistent in size.  What happens when things get comfortable?  I get comfortable?  WHY?????

When things get comfortable it’s time to enjoy the success while continuing to grow, sharpen your edge and be a better version.  It’s sooooooo much like CrossFit.  I may get better at pull-ups but that doesn’t mean I stop doing pull-ups.  It means I change the weight, the volume the style etc.  Working on Coca has to be much of the same.

GREAT – I’ve gotten good at running programing….. GET BETTER!

GREAT – I’ve gotten better and inspiriting and connecting with members – GET BETTER!

GREAT – I’ve gotten better at marketing our programs – GET BETTER!

No more using the elevator…… time to go back to using the stairs!

The stigma of a daily shot…..


I was introduced to Affinity Whole Health 6months ago and was intrigued by the idea of a ‘magic shot’ that gave me all my vitamins vs. taking the 30-40 pills I was taking.  Then layer on the stigma of taking a shot every day and the thought that it’s steroids or hormones and it’s a dirty little thing.

I took a step back and decided I’ve never let what others will think change my plan before.  Why was I now.  So Is started asking questions and decided it was worth a meeting.  By the end of my appointment I was sold and decided I’d give it 2 months (one cycle) and if I didn’t like it i never had to do it again.

Fast forward 2 months and I don’t think I’ll ever go back!  It’s so much easier to take ONE shot a day vs trying to manage the timing of 30-40pills

So what the hell is it?

My fist cycle was the ‘Vitamax’ (take daily)
Description: B-vitamin cocktail aiding in breakdown of fat while increasing energy and muscle recovery for workouts.
- aids in breakdown of fat during metabolism
- improves energy, memory and focus
- helps recovery and muscle fatigue
- metabolism booster
- antioxidant
- improves nervous system

My new cycle is ‘MIC combo’ (take 3x a week)
Description: a mixture of amino acids and vitamins, used to assist in weight loss and fat burning
- metabolism booster
- speeds up removal of fat and prevents excess fat buildup
- detoxifies the body of heavy metal and provides anti-oxidant effects
- calming effect – improves quality of sleep and treats depression
- improves the nervous system
- less stress, nervousness and anxiety
- helps memory, energy, immunity and focus

with the new cycle I will take the MIC 3x a week and the vitamin on the other days as it provides two elements of lactic acid removal and oxygen utilization

I’ve noticed a significant difference in my body back up alone, my energy level and my ability to recover.  I’m happy to answer any questions or point you in the right direction.  call me at 440.724.6587 or email me at cocacrossfit@gmail.com

It all starts with holding hands…..

I know that sounds TOTALLY cheesy and lame, but there’s something innately beautiful about putting my hand in someone else’s.  It’s truly a sign of trust.  Think about it…. as a little kid you hold the hand of your parents to lead keep you safe.  I think there’s something similar when I put my hand in the hand of a man.

I’m trusting him…… letting him lead the way……trusting he’ll keep me safe…..

If there’s one thing I’ve mastered it’s protecting my heart.  Letting people close, but not so close they could hurt me.  Wanting the best, but expecting the worst.  Always waiting to get let down. I have ‘all my ducks in a row’ and I’m just missing that special someone to share it with. Why?  Because I try to maintain in control and mistrust.

Over the last year I have really looked inward and looked deep down the ‘rabbit hole’ and discovered that it’s a lonely way to live.  Luckily I’ve crossed paths with some pretty amazing people that have shown me I can trust people.  That I can let people in.  That they may hurt me, but they’ll do what it takes to heal it too.

Over the last year I’ve truly fallen in love with being vulnerable.   With putting myself out there.  With trusting people.  With working to bring the best out of people with no fear.  Talk about life changing……..  I truly live a life of love and it’s freeing.  People will hurt me, but not intentionally.  People are all truly seeking the same thing….. love and acceptance.  And it all starts with a simple gesture…..putting my hand in his and letting go of control……


Don’t make me be the man…..

It’s a funny concept to talk about, but it’s how I feel about relationships.  I had an interesting conversations with a friend today about ‘traditional’ gender roles.  That a man takes care of the garbage, tools and providing while the women cleans, launders and provides all things home care.



I’m sure I just blew your mind.  I am the pillar of a strong confident independent women and yet I WANT a man to take care of me?  Yup?

I have no doubt this will ruffle some feathers and maybe even anger some people so I’ll duck and cover now

I am FAR from a damsel in distress, and can do it all on my own, but I don’t want to.  When it comes to a relationship I want a man to be the man.  To take control, make decisions and be the ‘Alpha’.  I’ve tried being the one to take charge, and while its a comfortable role for me running my own business, it’s sooooooo nice to leave that at work.

I like being a mix of strong and independent and traditional.  It’s the balance I think I’ve been looking for since starting Coca.  I thought I always wanted to be in control of everything and make all the decisions.  Be strong and have it all my way.  NOPE!  I want to be strong, confident, independent when I’m on the clock and soft, feminine and nitrating when I’m not.


No…. I’m not on steroids….

This image posted this morning did EXACTLY what I wanted it to do ….. got people to take a second look and even think ‘what the fuck is she taking’


I have gotten a dozen emails and text today asking if I was on steroids.  No….. I’m NOT on steroids but I do take  shot everyday.  It’s a mega shot of all your good vitamins, lactic acid reducer, oxygen utilization improvement all in one shot.

If you’re a health nut and take supplements you know how easy it is to get caught up in taking 20-40 pills a day to make sure you’re totally recovered.  What if you could get all that and some more with ONE shot a day?  That’s what Affinity Whole Health is providing for me.  I have been taking their vitamin mix for 60 days now and I can honestly say it’s the best supplement choice since joining AtLargeNutrtion I’ve ever made.  No more am I slave to a pill container where I have to ration my weekly pills out and figure out which ones I take in the am and pm.  Which ones I should take with food etc.

Now I wake up, grab the vile, stick myself and move on.  Yes it seems extreme to take a shot every day, but I’ve helped a few people transition over and they are LOVING IT!!!

I just got my second shipment and I’m taking a new formula that may just help me cut some fat and lean out making my gymnastics movements a little easier and the pressure off my knees a little less.  Of course – if I see the results like I have on my first 60 days I’ll be sure to share.  And if you have questions or want to know more feel free to call me at 440.724.6587 or email me at cocacrossfit@gmail.com