I’ve finally discovered my greatest fear…..

Being vulnerable

There I said it.  I am scared SH*TLESS to let anyone know I’m anything but powerful, confident, strong and independent.

I have found in life that some of the greatest heart ache comes from letting people close.  Trusting them completely only to have them use my fears against me or even worse getting close to gain something, be it knowledge, a connection whatever and once they get it I’m left on the curb.

Yes – Am I strong, confident and independent – ABSOLUTELY!  But that’s most so because I have to be.  I have a great family and a support network of friends, but at night when I get ready for bed I am reminded that I’m the provider, the cook, the maid, the dog walker, the laundry mat, the rock, the everything.

It can be so inspiring to realize I’m doing it all on my own, but gets me think about how it could be easier if I didn’t have to fulfill ALL of the roles ALL of the time.  THE CATCH……..

I don’t open up to people easily.  I mean really let my guard down and admit I like someone in dating.  Or admit I need someone in a friend.  I’m Kate Rawlings….. I can do it all…….  I’m used to playing that role.  What I’m not used to is admitting I want someone in my life.  So what do I do…. I anticipate the worst and get surprised when it doesn’t happen.

Over the last year however I’ve been learning to forgive, have faith and look for the best in all situations.  For some reason I haven”t applied that to my personal life…..ie dating….  Needless to say I’m afraid of being vulnerable to a guy that could break me yet again.  But what if I could apply all the things I’ve learned about forgiveness and gratitude and apply it to my dating life………We’re all work in progress and I’m certainly no exception.  I just need to make a more conscious effort to acknowledge my fears and face them.


The elevator is out of order


As I met with my Dad today planning my 4 year party for Coca CrossFit I have a ‘light bulb’ moment.  How did I make it to 4 years?  How did I grow to a successful business woman and an owner of a non-profit?


I have been lucky enough to have build an amazing coaching staff and they are highly successful in their jobs outside of Coca.  They’ve cared so much about me and more importantly the entire Coca community to kick me in the ass.  Get more organized and get your shit done!

When coca first started it was just me, and I had to do it all.  I had to hustle to make things happen and get people in the door.  Fast forward 4 years and we have a solid community thats consistent in size.  What happens when things get comfortable?  I get comfortable?  WHY?????

When things get comfortable it’s time to enjoy the success while continuing to grow, sharpen your edge and be a better version.  It’s sooooooo much like CrossFit.  I may get better at pull-ups but that doesn’t mean I stop doing pull-ups.  It means I change the weight, the volume the style etc.  Working on Coca has to be much of the same.

GREAT – I’ve gotten good at running programing….. GET BETTER!

GREAT – I’ve gotten better and inspiriting and connecting with members – GET BETTER!

GREAT – I’ve gotten better at marketing our programs – GET BETTER!

No more using the elevator…… time to go back to using the stairs!

The stigma of a daily shot…..


I was introduced to Affinity Whole Health 6months ago and was intrigued by the idea of a ‘magic shot’ that gave me all my vitamins vs. taking the 30-40 pills I was taking.  Then layer on the stigma of taking a shot every day and the thought that it’s steroids or hormones and it’s a dirty little thing.

I took a step back and decided I’ve never let what others will think change my plan before.  Why was I now.  So Is started asking questions and decided it was worth a meeting.  By the end of my appointment I was sold and decided I’d give it 2 months (one cycle) and if I didn’t like it i never had to do it again.

Fast forward 2 months and I don’t think I’ll ever go back!  It’s so much easier to take ONE shot a day vs trying to manage the timing of 30-40pills

So what the hell is it?

My fist cycle was the ‘Vitamax’ (take daily)
Description: B-vitamin cocktail aiding in breakdown of fat while increasing energy and muscle recovery for workouts.
- aids in breakdown of fat during metabolism
- improves energy, memory and focus
- helps recovery and muscle fatigue
- metabolism booster
- antioxidant
- improves nervous system

My new cycle is ‘MIC combo’ (take 3x a week)
Description: a mixture of amino acids and vitamins, used to assist in weight loss and fat burning
- metabolism booster
- speeds up removal of fat and prevents excess fat buildup
- detoxifies the body of heavy metal and provides anti-oxidant effects
- calming effect – improves quality of sleep and treats depression
- improves the nervous system
- less stress, nervousness and anxiety
- helps memory, energy, immunity and focus

with the new cycle I will take the MIC 3x a week and the vitamin on the other days as it provides two elements of lactic acid removal and oxygen utilization

I’ve noticed a significant difference in my body back up alone, my energy level and my ability to recover.  I’m happy to answer any questions or point you in the right direction.  call me at 440.724.6587 or email me at cocacrossfit@gmail.com

It all starts with holding hands…..

I know that sounds TOTALLY cheesy and lame, but there’s something innately beautiful about putting my hand in someone else’s.  It’s truly a sign of trust.  Think about it…. as a little kid you hold the hand of your parents to lead keep you safe.  I think there’s something similar when I put my hand in the hand of a man.

I’m trusting him…… letting him lead the way……trusting he’ll keep me safe…..

If there’s one thing I’ve mastered it’s protecting my heart.  Letting people close, but not so close they could hurt me.  Wanting the best, but expecting the worst.  Always waiting to get let down. I have ‘all my ducks in a row’ and I’m just missing that special someone to share it with. Why?  Because I try to maintain in control and mistrust.

Over the last year I have really looked inward and looked deep down the ‘rabbit hole’ and discovered that it’s a lonely way to live.  Luckily I’ve crossed paths with some pretty amazing people that have shown me I can trust people.  That I can let people in.  That they may hurt me, but they’ll do what it takes to heal it too.

Over the last year I’ve truly fallen in love with being vulnerable.   With putting myself out there.  With trusting people.  With working to bring the best out of people with no fear.  Talk about life changing……..  I truly live a life of love and it’s freeing.  People will hurt me, but not intentionally.  People are all truly seeking the same thing….. love and acceptance.  And it all starts with a simple gesture…..putting my hand in his and letting go of control……


Don’t make me be the man…..

It’s a funny concept to talk about, but it’s how I feel about relationships.  I had an interesting conversations with a friend today about ‘traditional’ gender roles.  That a man takes care of the garbage, tools and providing while the women cleans, launders and provides all things home care.



I’m sure I just blew your mind.  I am the pillar of a strong confident independent women and yet I WANT a man to take care of me?  Yup?

I have no doubt this will ruffle some feathers and maybe even anger some people so I’ll duck and cover now

I am FAR from a damsel in distress, and can do it all on my own, but I don’t want to.  When it comes to a relationship I want a man to be the man.  To take control, make decisions and be the ‘Alpha’.  I’ve tried being the one to take charge, and while its a comfortable role for me running my own business, it’s sooooooo nice to leave that at work.

I like being a mix of strong and independent and traditional.  It’s the balance I think I’ve been looking for since starting Coca.  I thought I always wanted to be in control of everything and make all the decisions.  Be strong and have it all my way.  NOPE!  I want to be strong, confident, independent when I’m on the clock and soft, feminine and nitrating when I’m not.


No…. I’m not on steroids….

This image posted this morning did EXACTLY what I wanted it to do ….. got people to take a second look and even think ‘what the fuck is she taking’


I have gotten a dozen emails and text today asking if I was on steroids.  No….. I’m NOT on steroids but I do take  shot everyday.  It’s a mega shot of all your good vitamins, lactic acid reducer, oxygen utilization improvement all in one shot.

If you’re a health nut and take supplements you know how easy it is to get caught up in taking 20-40 pills a day to make sure you’re totally recovered.  What if you could get all that and some more with ONE shot a day?  That’s what Affinity Whole Health is providing for me.  I have been taking their vitamin mix for 60 days now and I can honestly say it’s the best supplement choice since joining AtLargeNutrtion I’ve ever made.  No more am I slave to a pill container where I have to ration my weekly pills out and figure out which ones I take in the am and pm.  Which ones I should take with food etc.

Now I wake up, grab the vile, stick myself and move on.  Yes it seems extreme to take a shot every day, but I’ve helped a few people transition over and they are LOVING IT!!!

I just got my second shipment and I’m taking a new formula that may just help me cut some fat and lean out making my gymnastics movements a little easier and the pressure off my knees a little less.  Of course – if I see the results like I have on my first 60 days I’ll be sure to share.  And if you have questions or want to know more feel free to call me at 440.724.6587 or email me at cocacrossfit@gmail.com

I hate running a business

……….but I LOVE COACHING!!!!

I have had several conversations of the years of running Coca CrossFit about what kind of business I wanted to build.  What my vision is.  How I plan on growing etc.   A few years ago I wanted to be a MONSTER…… dominate the world and have a 10,000 sq ft facility.  I was going to be the shit!!!!

Fast forward 4 years and my vision is very different.  I have figured out that being bigger and badder brings with it a lot of headaches and stress and takes away from what I truly love doing….. coaching.  I opened a CrossFit gym because I love coaching, NOT because I love running a business.10603209_10152603326609641_7015272110291835728_n

I no longer have visions of blowing the doors off this thing.  I want a smaller community where I personally know every member, their goals, can ask about their family and truly connect with them.  Why?  Because that’s what makes me truly happy.  The connections.  The coaching.  The personal growth I get to directly be a part of.

If I grow coca too big I will be forced to run more of the business and less of the day to day operations.  Most people I have talked to say I’m NUTS.  That I should push to be bigger and badder.  But that’s not me, that’s no my vision or my priority.  I will cap membership at 175 maybe (and thats a big maybe) 200.

The best part of it all is that it’s my business and my vision so while others may not understand….. they don’t have to.  I think those that want to have giant facilities with large coaching staffs and a million members is awesome.  It’s just not me or Coca.  I’m a coach first….. business owner second….

There’s really nothing to fear…

If there’s on thing I know for sure it’s that Coca has zero competition…… how do I know that?  Because there’s no way to recreate coca!  Notice I didn’t say there’s only one CrossFit gym.

The most beautiful piece of owning a business that is a licensing agreement vs a franchise is that I can create the environment that I feel fits me and my members best.  If another gym did EXACTLY what we’re doing, offered the same hours, same programs etc they still wouldn’t be competition.  How’s that?

Because every CrossFit gym is sooooooo different they can’t be compared apples to apples.  The spaces are different.  The programming is different.  The coaches are different.  The hours are different.  And all those difference lead to a very unique experience at each facility.  So while this can be viewed as ‘competition’ I view it as variety and options.  Options for athletes to find the home they feel works the best for them.  Sometimes it’s Coca, sometimes it’s not.  Sometimes they start at Coca, and go some where else.  The beautiful part is it’s about the athletes journey…. not mine.

So why don’t I fear the ‘competition’?  Because I’ve got a clear vision of who we are, and who we aren’t.  Those people that believe what I believe and feel the best place for them is Coca will be at Coca, and those that don’t will go to one of the 10 other CrossFit gyms that have opened around me since I started.  I spend my days working with my team refining our vision, and as long as we focus on what we’re doing and doing it the best we can we will continue to grow regardless of how many more gyms open.

I will do everything in my power to support the community at large and do what ever I can to help them anyway i can NO STRINGS ATTACHED.  Me offering to help is not a way to ‘steal your members’  ‘steal your ideas’  ‘steal your coaches’ etc.  There are genuinely nice people that just want to help, and I consider myself one of those people.  Unfortunately people view people that want to help as a ‘what’s the catch’, ‘how are you trying to screw me’ manor.no catch

So please….. don’t fear me….. I’m not the ‘competition’.  I’m just a girl running a CrossFit gym trying to make my community and the community at large a better place to be a part of. One that shares ideas and best practices.  One that truly just builds people up without tearing anyone down.

Why I blog…..

I blog to share my story.  I blog so that others can see that I have success, so that others can see I have failures, I have fears and on and on and on.  To often we worry about what others will think or say.  What if….. just what if by telling my story I didn’t have to be afraid of what others will thing or say?

I wish I could count on my fingers and toes the number of emails I’ve gotten ripping me apart as a narcissistic self-centered piece of sh*t.  I have actually gotten emails from people celebrating my failures or short comings.  Getting joy out of my pain.

THAT IS WHY I BLOG!!!  To share my story, no filters, no fear.


It’s sad, but we live in a society where pulling other people down seems to be the easiest and quickest way to build yourself up.  Where genuinely supporting people and building them up with NO STRINGS attached is a rarity.  I blog to show that I have ALL the same fears as everyone else. I blog because maybe…. just maybe by sharing my flaws and fears someone (even just one) will be an easier critic of themselves.  That maybe, just maybe instead of hiding their flaws and feeling ashamed they will realize that those ‘flaws’ are exactly what makes them unique and will take them to the next level if they embrace it.

So go ahead…. call me a narcissistic self-centered piece of sh*t for blogging, for sharing my life, for trying to inspire others to be imperfect.  I am not better than anyone else, I am not smarter than anyone else, I am not stronger than anyone else…….. I AM JUST A GIRL….A GIRL TRYING TO BE THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF BASED ON MY VALUES SYSTEM (and guess what…what I value may not be what you value and that’s OK)


I might throw up…..

I started the zone challenge a little early because I’m ready to get some serious results and I didn’t want to wait until Monday.  The hardest part of  starting the zone diet is the sheer volume of food I have to consume.

The biggest thing I look at when reviewing someone’s diet journal is the volume of food and 90% of people aren’t eating nearly enough to support the work they’re putting in yet alone to support the training AND see results.

Anyone looking to start the zone challenge on Monday, be ready to be sick to your stomach eating.  It typically takes 2 weeks to adjust to the amount of food you’ll have to consume in a day.  Have faith in the system for 30 days and if you don’t see any results you can tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about.

If you want to get on board with the 30 day challenge I’m running email me at cocacrossfit@gmail.com