There I said it. I am scared SH*TLESS to let anyone know I’m anything but powerful, confident, strong and independent.
I have found in life that some of the greatest heart ache comes from letting people close. Trusting them completely only to have them use my fears against me or even worse getting close to gain something, be it knowledge, a connection whatever and once they get it I’m left on the curb.
Yes – Am I strong, confident and independent – ABSOLUTELY! But that’s most so because I have to be. I have a great family and a support network of friends, but at night when I get ready for bed I am reminded that I’m the provider, the cook, the maid, the dog walker, the laundry mat, the rock, the everything.
It can be so inspiring to realize I’m doing it all on my own, but gets me think about how it could be easier if I didn’t have to fulfill ALL of the roles ALL of the time. THE CATCH……..
I don’t open up to people easily. I mean really let my guard down and admit I like someone in dating. Or admit I need someone in a friend. I’m Kate Rawlings….. I can do it all……. I’m used to playing that role. What I’m not used to is admitting I want someone in my life. So what do I do…. I anticipate the worst and get surprised when it doesn’t happen.
Over the last year however I’ve been learning to forgive, have faith and look for the best in all situations. For some reason I haven”t applied that to my personal life…..ie dating…. Needless to say I’m afraid of being vulnerable to a guy that could break me yet again. But what if I could apply all the things I’ve learned about forgiveness and gratitude and apply it to my dating life………We’re all work in progress and I’m certainly no exception. I just need to make a more conscious effort to acknowledge my fears and face them.