Some times you feel like you’re in the desert

Trying to date in the ‘real world’ is one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do.  Try meeting a guy at a bar, coffee shop, where ever and trying to explain to them that you’re in such great shape because you CrossFit, and then having to listen to him compare it to his ‘globo gym’ routine (as if it even compare) and thinking the entire time, I bet I have a better Fran time than you.

So where do you date when the ‘real world’ doesn’t get it…..the community that gets it, the CrossFit community.  So you begin to look at your peers as potential dates before quickly realizing that should it not work, you’re still part of the same small tight knit know everything about each other crossfit box.  Wow could that back fire.

So you look at the next closest box…but same thing.  You know them and they know you and do you want them all to know your sh*t?

So you look at the world community, but can you really start a relationship with someone across the country or in another country? CRAP!

So what does a single crazy CrossFitter do? No seriously…this isn’t a rhetorical question….I’m not giving advice today, I’m asking for it.  What do you do when you’re single, crazy about crossfit and want to date someone that will wod with you, eat healthy and love every minute of it?

Today’s WOD: 5×5 Bench Press

15 thoughts on “Some times you feel like you’re in the desert

  1. well, I am no expert, but people have told me that they envy what I have with my husband and I am very, very happy in my 9 years so far…so…I will bite and say…screw the overthinking. When you find someone, probably someone who is a friend already, go for it! Take the risk. It’s worth it to have someone who knows you, the whole you and supports everything you try and accomplish. I know I don’t know you very well, but I can see that you are a great person and I am positive you will find someone!

  2. Many of us are in that same boat Kate. Even if you were to go the “in house” route, at our box it’s almost a non-option. For some reason, we don’t really have very many single people especially in the 25-35 age group. All the reasons you’ve mentioned for NOT doing that haunt me on a daily basis…as I know that It’s almost a definite that the only way it could work is with someone who gets CF. I mean really, WTF am I going to talk to someone about on a date? haha. But where does that leave me? Trolling the elements classes I’m coaching for incoming “talent”? That sounds kinda lame….I remember our very own Heather Bergeron saying to me once, “we need to find you a CF chick…” and of course, I said by all means point me in the right direction. Just one of many reasons I haven’t been on a date in well over a year lol…..great topic though, one that is certainly on the minds of a great many of us.

  3. Find a cute, adventurous guy with an open mind.

    From what I’ve seen, you have a lot going on/lots of opinions. Finding something to talk about other than CrossFit shouldn’t be hard.

    If all goes well, introduce him to CrossFit (try not to kick his ass too bad the first time). Lots of couples have passions/hobbies that they introduce to one another. If he’s into you, he’ll give it a shot. 🙂

  4. I’ve thought a lot about the exact same concerns you have in your post. Almost word for word some of them.

    Here are some musings that I’ve been asking myself lately as I sit in almost the same position as you. This is more of a ‘brain dump’ than a lecture, hope it doesn’t come across as preachy, cause this is just as much for me as you.

    You are fit, lean, healthy, and live a very active and healthy life. I assume you want the same in a partner.

    CrossFit is OUR sport of choice. While we can stand on our ‘bad ass’ and ‘fittest on earth’ sayings all we want,after all we do know the truth…LOL, at the end of the day are you committed to only dating another bad ass crossfiter? Or would you consider someone else that is lean, fit, healthy and lives a healthy life but doesn’t crossfit?

    A runner, triathalete, rugby player, soccer player, or just someone that takes fitness seriously? They are not all ‘listen to my awesome globo routine’ boring, although plenty are. There are plenty of non crossfiting fit and healthy people out there that would be date worthy for you. I learned there are plenty of ‘fish in the desert’ it’s just some of them don’t have callouses on there hands. CrossFit, in all it’s awesomeness and glory, is not for everyone. We are just one species of fish wondering in the desert, and as I’ve discovered that and opened my eyes to the other species of fish wondering in the desert the dating opportunities get bigger.

  5. Jeff/Wendy,

    you both make a very good point. I’m definitely open to dating outside my ‘species’ just as long as they’re as passionate about health/fitness as I am I’m all good. ha! I guess in my mind a fellow crossfitter would in some ways be easier because they already get it, but I’m not against bringing someone into the fold.

  6. Hey Kate,

    I agree with what has been said. I tried to get my beau of 9 years into CrossFit. And he digs it…somewhat. But he is PASSIONATE BEYOND WORDS about cycling. As a result,he’s damned good at it.

    There’s a killer guy at our box who loves CrossFit and is heavy into Power Lifting. His girlfriend doesn’t like CrossFit at all. They share other interests. Go figure!

    I agree with Marisa. Finding someone who loves you no matter what kind of crappy (or ecstatic) day you’ve had is worth everything…even if they don’t CrossFit. There truly is nothing better than sharing your life with someone special, and I never thought I’d hear myself say that!

    I also agree that most sane people who are into fitness will at least be willing to give it a try…especially when they see how much zeal you have for it.

    Good luck!

  7. If you meet someone and the biggest gripe you have about them is that they don’t Crossfit, you probably found a winner. The fact he doesn’t adhere to a conditioning regimen is easy to get around. In stead of going to the bar for a date, go to the track, instead of a club do a 5k. Be the one who initiates the healthy lifestyle activities. You can introduce him to this lifestyle so many of us find addicting.

    If there’s one thing guys piss and moan about to each other it’s that dating girls is inherently unhealthy endeavor during courtship.

    In addition as a twist on the new adage if you stop looking you’ll find what you’re looking for. Most of the time when you stop looking what you’re looking for Finds you. You’re not going to meet a guy in a bar or at a club. Because the Guy you’re looking for isn’t looking for you there.

    So yes, all the fish in the sea don’t matter when you’re alone in the desert, but if you pick your head up you’ll see all the crazy birds like you soaring in the sky. So spread your wings.

  8. Well I actually am dating someone that member of crossfit. And before we met one day at 5:15am. I to was having alot of trouble meeting someone that fits me. It just kinda happened. As for someone that isn’t part of crossfit, sometimes it is better to meet someone that isn’t in shape and is in need of crossfit. You could be their savior, the one that they are looking for. what about the community softball, or ultimate frizz bee team? I am sure plenty of guys are in need of a good woman, that is when I joined such teams.
    Best of luck Kate

  9. Kate…you took the thoughts right out of my head with this post! I think those exact thoughts every week! As a coach, it puts all my clients off limits (cause that could cause some real issues if things don’t work), and I spend most of my life at my box. If you figure out the answer…please let me know. I need to find a guy who understands that I can’t “cheat just this one time” at every meal we have together, understands that I need to be in bed by 9:30 and I get up 30 mins earlier than I need to so I can cook a good breakfast, understands that I spend most of my time in the gym because I want to and I love it, understands that more than likely my CF family will always come before him, and understands that when I am pissed off at myself because I didnt’ do as well as I wanted in a WOD, that it won’t help to tell me how awesome I am (especially if he doesnt’ CF and has no freakin clue!), but just let me be pissed!

  10. It’s the law of attraction at its finest. Think about the things you DO want instead of the things you DON’T. Think about it often. I have full faith that your answer will become abundantly clear.

  11. I’m in agreement with Jeff and Wendy above. I’m lucky to have someone who gets triathlon and also participates as well. But I also have many friends whose significant other both male and female, is not as active or doesn’t participate in tri’s. Yet they support each other regardless.

    That will be the evidence of true love and a healthy relationship.

  12. First Kate, just remember no matter who he is, he is going to be pretty damn lucky to meet someone like you!

    And secondly….I have found if you stop looking, then it will happen. Besides, nice as it may be to have a guy who is in to crossfit, think how much better it could be to look up and see your guy cheering you on on the sidelines!

  13. Thumbs up to Jeff and Joyce – right on.

    To interpret Jeff’s comment another way: What are your objectives? Have you thought about why you want to date – a vision for what you want a relationship to be – and committed that vision to paper?

    Whatever your objectives are, having clarity around them for yourself will install something like an automatic selection algorithm in your mind. Some men you meet will jive with your objectives, others won’t – attracted or not, crossfitter or not. It’s customer segmentation at its finest and most critical – heck, if P&G works at least this hard to make sure there is a fit between toothpaste and the folks who buy it, shouldn’t you make at least the same kind of effort – but probably even more – given how infinitely more important a human being and your relationships are?

    But if you are not clear as to what you want the outcome of dating to be for you, you’ll go after men for what could potentially turn out to be the wrong reasons.

  14. Oh yeah, and one more thing: Something that works phenomenally well in my culture is to enlist the people who know, love, and respect you most. Talk to them about your objectives, and set them to looking for your partner in crime. Wouldn’t you hire an executive recruiter or two or three to find you the ultimate COO for your company? Are you tired of the business analogies? Well, there is some man out there thinking to himself, “If only I could find me a reeeeal killer…” Why not streamline the process?

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