Especially me, and of myself more than anyone else. Today’s workout was the perfect example of that.
I headed into today already feeling like I got hit by a bus, but did my best to shake it off and work through it. We started with Power Cleans. I can honestly say that I’ve never maxed my power clean, so I didn’t know where I would fall. I flew through them until I got to 145lbs. They started feeling heavy but it went up. 155lbs took a few reps to get up, but it went.
165lbs, and the wheels came off the bus. Literally and figuratively. I was pulling it more than high enough, but my legs weren’t getting wide enough to get under it and my elbows weren’t coming up. I must have tried 10 times with no avail. So we backed it off to 155lbs again. FAIL…FAIL…. and then up it went. It felt good so we went up to 160lbs. FAIL. I was mentally exhausted today, and stuggling to focus on much of anything yet alone a max effort.
I did my best to shake it off…deep breath….pull and I got it. 160lbs Power Clean. And all I could think was….what a crappy effort. WHAT….REALLY?!?!?! That’s just ridiculous! I knew coming in that I was tired and I was working as hard as I could. So instead of being excited that I had done 155lbs 3 times and 160lbs once WHEN I WAS TIRED (and imagining what I could do if I were fresh and on my game) I was sulking. And that played out through the rest of my workout. I finished it, I wasn’t happy about it and with every rep of every movement all I could think about was my weak ass power clean.
I’ll be the first to admit, I’m still a work in progress. I beat myself up when I have off days. I feel like I’m letting myself, my coaches, my sponsors, my family, my friends, the milk man, the mail man etc. down when I don’t perform where I know I can. I’m my own biggest critic and while that fuels me to push harder, it can sometimes work against me. Today was one of those days.
The goal now is to focus on the progress I’ve made and the potential I have, enjoy my rest day tomorrow and hit it hard again on Friday.