Hearing good news is hard…. and so is forgiving myself….

Today was the day we had to face our OBYN for our follow up appointment and it was with a mixed bag of emotions that sat in the waiting room.

Tears began flowing the instant a mom came out with an ultrasound for her teenage daughters newly conceived baby…..talking health and due dates…… knowing I was going in to talk about the death of our daughter I couldn’t hold them in.  Two families at the same doctor for two very different reasons.Good-News

The doc came in and began to explain my diagnosis – pre-prom…..not a miscarriage…. what’s the difference?

  • With a miscarriage something went wrong with the placenta or the uterus making it difficult to carry baby.

 

  • With pre-prom the water breaks and its so rare and such an anomaly that there isn’t enough research to even explain why it happens. The uterus and the placenta are healthy and theres no reason to think I can’t carry to full term.

So what does that mean moving forward?  That means that there is no physical reason to think that once my body is healed that we will have issues conceiving and even less issues thinking that under the super vision of a high-risk specialist that the baby will do anything but make it full term.

Hearing good news that we can have HOPE in our future and pregnancies to come ….. that my body didn’t do anything wrong or have any major issues…… that we have a 70=90% chance of having a successful second pregnancy….. that we can try to conceive again in as little as 6-8 weeks….  such a sense of relief and a moment of forgiving myself and letting go of so many fears and guilts.

As I sit talking to my mom I realize it was hard to hear good news….. I’ve been in such a dark sad place full of heavy bad news that I had forgotten how to get good news and how to be happy about it.  It’ll take a bit to process but today I am focusing on accepting good news and forgiving myself.

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