Yesterday on my ‘mental health’ day aka working out in the middle of the afternoon in an empty gym I realized how much I love training, and I’m probably one of the few that likes doing it alone. It’s calm and peaceful and the go go go pace that happens when you’re working with others is removed.
Today as I tackled a what seemed like a ‘death by Diane’ after an hour of gymnastics and and hour of lifting I had a true ‘AHA moment’
The gym was all but empty with just Russ and I. As I set up all the weight changes and deficit increases for the HSPU and was getting ready to go. I found P!nk radio and Russ asked ‘do you want me to start the clock?” I almost said no I don’t care, but felt like if he’s asking I should do accept.
As I finished my Diane (21-15-9 Deadlift/hand stand pushup), increased weights and headed into the heavy Diane, I felt relaxed and at ease. Until I looked up and could see Russ onlooking. I started an internal battle with I should GO and put up a solid performance, but then I really wasn’t concerned about the clock and I held strong with my original plan. Move at a steady pace and finish the workout.
It was also the moment I realized that I KNOW what keeps me off the arena floor….. my drive to push to the dark place, my drive to race the clock. I truly enjoy working on my gymnastics and all the conjugate lifting and WOD because I feel like I have to and it is good for me. I used to have a fire that all I cared about was WODing and running the clock down.
My AHA moment….. realizing that I am in a place of truly enjoying the process, chipping thorough workouts, without the pressure of chasing other or the clock. It’s not that I don’t enjoy working out with others, its just that I add pressure to myself to ‘perform’ when I’m with others. I truly love the lifting and challenging my body. The WOD portion….eh….
I am not saying this is how I’ll feel for ever, but its the evolution of my athletic career right now.