One of my great debates…..is doubt a motivator or a wod killer?
Last nights wod:
21 power cleans (75lb)
21 box jumps (20″)
As I headed out for my first run I felt pretty good about life and the wod. Finished the first run in just under 2min and headed right into the first set of cleans, 10…11…12…the felt good. Headed into the box jumps getting them 7-8 at a time in rhythm. Time for the second run, my midsection is feeling tight, but it loosens up about 100 meters into it. 1…2…3…4…power cleans, “damn these feel a lot heavier than last round!” Break at 7, couple of deep breaths.
This is where the doubt creeps in. I shouldn’t be tired….I need to keep moving…I can’t do them any faster….shut up brain, you’re fine….keep moving…onto the box jumps. Manage to keep a consistent pace throughout the set and I’m off on my last run. All I can think is I’m tired, I want to stop, but then the flip switches. “Don’t be lazy….you don’t want the slowest time….you don’t want to be a loser….getty up!” I push through the run and head into my final 21 power cleans thinking I can’t slow down or I’ll have the slowest time. Break them into 7’s and on to the box jumps. Hit the first 12 unbroken, then the reality that I’m almost done sets in…5 unbroken…so close now…3 unbroken….last 5 all singles. My head was fighting with my body those last 5.
BODY: You’re tired….stop, please just rest….
BRAIN: Suck it up buttercup, you only have 5 more!
Final time 15:06….quickest time in the box.
Why do I push so hard? I want to be the best Kate I can be, and if I slack in the wods I feel guilty. I know I didn’t give it my all, and then I doubt my strength both physically and mentally. I am constantly battling self-doubt, am i strong enough, fast enough, good enough. Self-doubt can push me through a wod like it did last night or it can also crush your wod by throwing you off your mental game.
What do you think? Doubt: motivator or wod killer?