Tag Archives: HOPE

30Jun/16

Bringing Home Baby Hope

When you think about bringing home your baby for the first time you think of all the joy, fear and excitement that come along with a tiny infant strapped into car seat that seams to engulf them.

In our case it was a VERY different experience.  We had to walk into a funeral home……. in a room on the side there was a tiny velvet bag wrapped around a container with our daughters ashes in it.  Candles burning and small wooden cross.  The director left my fiancé and our living daughter for a few moments with Hope.

It had been along time since I had cried that many heart felt tears, and for a good 5min there was no way to stop them.  The reality of our daughter being gone from this earth and the final step in the process had set in.

Two signatures later and we walked out carrying our daughter in a box.  As sad as it was, and as opposite from what we wanted it was, it was an important step for us.  Our family was finally whole, not in the way we had envisioned, but for the first time our family was complete and everyone was home.

My fiancé and I are not church goers by any means, but in extreme times we need to find things to give us peace, and in this case the tiny wooden cross was a great keep sake of the care and love our daughter had received while in her final moments before cremation. As a symbol of her, and the love and care we gave her, it seemed only appropriate to have her in our kitchen so that throughout the day everyday we can keep her alive and talk to her.

So while bringing baby Hope was a much different vision for us, at least she’s home with her parents and our family is together.

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09Jun/16

Finding HOPE in despair

One of the hardest things I’ve ever faced is the loss of our daughter to a pre-term labor this past weekend. Through out the 3 days in the hospital Matt and I went to so many dark places…… and coming home to our quiet, still, dark house made it seem much darker.  When you’re in that place it seems next to impossible to ever make it back to the light.

Thankfully Matt and I have such an amazing support system around us that they made it impossible for us to stay there.  The greatest gift we have had is connecting with other parents that have dealt with similar situations.

A dear friend of mine shared her experience with loss and all the things they learned and gained from their tragedy…… through that we discovered our daughters purpose on this earth…… to give us HOPE……

  • HOPE in Matt and I being bonded for lifeshutterstock_137307233Hope-300x300
  • HOPE in our family
  • HOPE in our future
  • HOPE in our children to come
  • HOPE in being able to help others through this in the future

It seemed only appropriate that we named our daughter Hope Spinner as there is no greater word to describe what she gave us.  I am so impressed with Hope’s strength and ability to bring her parents so close in such a short period of time.  I’m so impressed with Hope’s sacrifice to assure her siblings parents will never part. She is truly the strongest little girl this world has ever seen and from this extreme despair we are walking away with HOPE.