Tag Archives: pain

14Jun/16

Learning to Laugh Again

One of the hardest things through all of this horror is moving forward.  There is so much pain and sadness it feels like there will never be a day of joy again.  You live for little moments of hope and happiness and they seem few and far between and fleeting.

And to compound it…… when you do find moments of joy and happiness they are accompanied with a feeling of guilt.  Guilt in a way of ‘how could you possibly be happy when your daughter just died?’time-quotes-life-is-mixture-of-sunshine-and-rain-teardrops-and-laughter-please-and-pain-just-remember-there-was-never-a-cloud-that-the-sun-wouldnt-shine-through

That is why the short over night Matt and I spent in Chicago was so critically important for me.  It was a chance to leave the house that’s so full of such heavy emotion.  Leave the house that’s full of all the baby things that won’t be used (at least not for now).  Leave the stress of mounting laundry, dishes and bills.

To get away from reality and just learn to laugh again.  To do stupid things like sip a cocktail with our fiancé at a corner bar and chat up the bartenders.  They don’t know what happened nor did they care.  The didn’t ask how we were doing or have an concern.  We got to pretend for a day that we were just Matt and Kate on a mini vacation.

Out of that I learned that I can laugh again…… I can smile……I can make it through this because as much as I would love to avoid this and put in a box and pretend it never happened…..that’s not a choice.  My only way through this…is to go right through the eye of the storm.  And while I still cry more than I laugh I am learning to do it again.