After sharing my ‘messy marriage’ blog I had a very eye opening conversation with someone that is very familiar with the situation I am in. Both from being a lawyer that advocates for children, but also knows both biological parents from way back when.
They gave me a new perspective on my need to seek out validation for all that I do for my daughter (technically step-daughter but we’ll NEVER use that term). It is often difficult being a step parent in that you do ALL the things that a parent would do and get none of the credit……. you often seek out validation….. you’re often left standing without it.
Their biggest piece of advice was really looking inward and being able to self validate that you ARE her mother because you Love her unconditionally and you do that by choice. A mothers love isnt in the DNA…..it’s in the day to day…..it’s in the raising a strong, thoughtful, helpful, respectful woman that feels good in her own skin exactly as she is.
I can’t control what she learns in her other home/from the world around her about insecurity, lacking self confidence or worrying what other people think of her. What I can do is try to love her and show her all the power and strength she posses within. And that no matter what she wears, what her body looks like, how messy her hair is she Lena and if anyone has anything to say about that they can go pound salt!
By being brought back down to earth about looking inward I was quickly reminded that I was looking outward for that validation……. and the ONLY really validation we need in this world is contained within. Now to remember that always, and teach my daughter to do the same!