Tag Archives: self love

25May/17

There is NOTHING to prove and NOTHING to protect

After sharing my ‘messy marriage’ blog I had a very eye opening conversation with someone that is very familiar with the situation I am in.  Both from being a lawyer that advocates for children, but also knows both biological parents from way back when.

They gave me a new perspective on my need to seek out validation for all that I do for my daughter (technically step-daughter but we’ll NEVER use that term).  It is often difficult being a step parent in that you do ALL the things that a parent would do and get none of the credit……. you often seek out validation….. you’re often left standing without it.

Their biggest piece of advice was really looking inward and being able to self validate that you ARE her mother because you Love her unconditionally and you do that by choice.  A mothers love isnt in the DNA…..it’s in the day to day…..it’s in the raising a strong, thoughtful, helpful, respectful woman that feels good in her own skin exactly as she is.

I can’t control what she learns in her other home/from the world around her about insecurity, lacking self confidence or worrying what other people think of her.  What I can do is try to love her and show her all the power and strength she posses within.  And that no matter what she wears, what her body looks like, how messy her hair is she Lena and if anyone has anything to say about that they can go pound salt!

By being brought back down to earth about looking inward I was quickly reminded that I was looking outward for that validation……. and the ONLY really validation we need in this world is contained within.  Now to remember that always, and teach my daughter to do the same!

28Dec/16

If only we talked to ourselves the way we talk to our children

In the last year my daughter has really become a little adult moving into her ‘three-nagers’ and having more understanding of the world.  She’s beginning to grasp her own emotions and comprehend her self-esteem.  Over the last two months I have really began to notice how I talk to her and holy shit!!!! I am WAY more positive and supportive of her than i am of myself.  WHY?

  • I’m constantly reminding her that failure is a part of learning and that’s why we have to continue to practice.  I convince her to avoid giving up and continue to work through the frustrations. (what if you mess up, everyone will judge you, maybe i just shouldnt try, its safer….. or I’ll never get this, I quit…. it’s too hard….etc)
  • I’m constantly reminder her of how beautiful and precious she is no matter what she’s wearing or how her hair looks. And make up…..NO way is she wearing makeup because she’s perfectly pretty just the way she is. (i look like a cow in this, my hair is a mess, i shouldn’t even leave the house etc)
  • I’m constantly helping her learn new things, like counting, letter recognition and honestly all basic life skills.  And when she stubbles and answers with the wrong answer I teach her that being corrected and criticized doesn’t mean I love her any less, it just means I’m trying to help her get better. (i’ve read 3 articles i should know it all, I’m too busy to sit and learn all this, I’ll never be smart enough to reach the next level)

And that’s just 3 quick examples of how positively I talk to her….. with the how i would talk to myself following it. I think I’m going to start talking to myself like my 3 year old self.  I was much nicer to her.